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Posted in Events | 7 Comments

7 Responses

1. on Saturday July 7, 2012 at 8:42 am | Reply Paul Burlinson

   I have been informed by the Derbyshire Dales mobile library service that unfortunately the recent publication ,Male Witchcraft And Superstition throughout the ages by I.B Spelling will be unavailable for loan.This being due to the extremely negative criticism meted out by the Literary Society who classified it as a right load of old warlocks.

   
   
   • on Friday July 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm | Reply Di T

     Wasted, Paul! (Your talents, I mean – not you last night!!)

     
     
2. on Saturday July 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Reply Paul Burlinson

   Sadly the death was announced this morning of Ted Buttermilk at the ripe old age of ninety two .He was Peak Dairy’s longest serving employee rising steadily through the ranks from apprentice bottle washer to his own delivery round ,always of a cheery disposition Ted was affectionately referred to as ‘Creamy ‘ by his colleagues because he was destined to rise to the top. He witnessed the transition from horse drawn carts rattling along the cobbled streets to the battery powered marvels we see today ,In accordance with his last wishes he will make his final journey borne by his beloved milkfloat. The
   funeral cortege will depart from Milkthistle Cottage,Parwich at nine thirty next monday morning and will arrive at Markeaton Crematorium approximately three weeks later.

   
   
3. on Sunday July 8, 2012 at 8:57 am | Reply Paul Burlinson

   Fate has dealt a cruel blow to the hopes of the Swiss Olympic Yodelling team following the hospitalisation of Lee Van Derhosen who was favourite for gold at London 2012. He has been airlifted to a specialist clinic in Zurich suffering from acute exhaustion and dehydration following a four day non stop yodelling marathon in the Swiss Alps. He believed the person returning his calls from the valley beyond to be a determined challenger vying for his place in the Olympic squad. but alas his adversary proved out to be just an echo.

   
   
4. on Wednesday July 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm | Reply Paul Burlinson

   Yet another event The Ashbourne Highland gathering has become a casualty of adverse weather conditions.The organiser Jock Strap whose ancestors fought at Culloden And he himself appeared as an extra in ‘Whisky Galore’,speaking from his temporary headquarters in Bargain Booze ,Dig ,St said ‘,Its a crying shame this is the one time of the year we can really prove that there is no animosity existing between us Scots and you infernal whingeing Sassenachs’, Hamish MCHernia whose record breaking shotput at the last event landed in a garden in Kniveton is devastated at not having the chance to defend his title .Ashbourne Chamber of Commerce have suggested that all pubs in the town fly the Saltire at half mast .Bill Wallace proprietor of The Frying Scotsman mobile cafe whose Drambui laced porridge and belly buster fry ups are a prime source of nourishment to the competitors has already returned to Bonnie Scotland And now from me BIg Mac Mcdonald its back to the studio.

   
   
5. on Friday July 13, 2012 at 4:56 pm | Reply Paul Burlinson

   During a recent Antiques Road show at Chatsworth House an Oriental ceramics expert was left virtually speechless when he recognised a chamber pot produced from a shopping bag by an old farmer as being Ming Dynasty ,Ch’ing Hua circa 1475 A.D ,exquisitely decorated with mythological beasts and exotic flowers the underside bearing the impressed seal of the Emperor and doubtlessly commissioned for his own personal use ‘.This amazing discovery ‘ the expert said ‘ taking into consideration the buoyancy of the Chinese market at present would generate huge interest and therefore I would have no hesitation of placing a valuation in the region of £250,000′, I suppose you keep it under your bed do you ?,’he asked jokingly, The old farmer scratching his chin said’ Aye as a matter of fact I do, and I almost dropped the bugger when I was emptying it this morning’.

   
   
6. on Saturday July 14, 2012 at 9:06 am | Reply Paul Burlinson

   For anyone interested in the performing arts the recent charity football match held at Pride Park between the Royal Ballet Rovers and the Bolshoi Belles ended in a tu-tu draw.

   
   

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