PARWICH.ORG

In a bid to expand our coverage of current affairs, PARWICH.ORG welcomes celebrated comment-box regular Paul Burlinson.

Paul will be providing us with a regular round-up of significant local, national and international events, in his inimitable style which has already won him ardent fans from Ashbourne to Alstonefield, and from Brassington to Biggin.

If you have enjoyed Paul’s comments in the past, then please click through for his first “Weedkiller Weekly”.

As celebrity memorabilia is normally a safe and lucrative investment, spare a thought for the man who forked out £160,000 at a charity auction for Sir Jimmy Savile’s Rolls Royce, months before he was discredited. “I am absolutely gutted”, he said, “as I intended to use the motor for weddings & children’s parties”. Oh dear. Another victim shelled out £550 for his gold track suit. Swiftly moving on, you could have secured a pair of Queen Victoria’s voluminous bloomers for a mere £9,735. An X-ray of Marilyn Monroe’s chest would set you back $45,000 or John Lennon’s tooth for $16,000. A slice of toast left by Prince Charles on the morning of his wedding to Diana sold for £230 – apparently they had run out of Royal Jelly. Last but not least, a pair of Elvis Presley’s obviously unlaundered underpants, worn during one of his last concerts, failed to meet their reserve of £7,000.

An eyeball the size of a grapefruit was found on a Florida beach, by a man walking his dog. It has been inspected by The Florida Fish & Wildlife Research Institute, who concluded that the eyeball came from a marine animal, as it was washed up on the beach. Now there’s an educated analysis for you.

A re-enactment marking the 94th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings has been cancelled due to torrential rain. English Heritage said “We could not allow the event to go ahead for Health & Safety reasons, due to the unacceptable levels of mud on the site.” Remember the battles of the First World War, anyone ?

Acting on a hunch, archaeologists have unearthed what they believe to be the mortal remains of Plantagenet King Richard 111 from beneath a council car park in Leicester, which was once the site of a monastery. The King was apparently grossly disfigured and not a pleasant chap at all, having been suspected of dispatching the Princes in the Tower. The fatal injuries sustained by the man at the Battle of Bosworth Field in August 1485 are consistent with documented accounts of his death. Meanwhile, the discovery of a blue badge disabled parking permit bearing his name also gives weight to the authenticity of the remains.

Meanwhile the effects of Japan’s disastrous Tsunami are still being felt. Huge chunks of flotsam are washing ashore in the USA, bringing with them unwanted hitchhikers such as Blue Mussels, the Pacific Sea Star and the 3″ Blue Shore Crab. These creatures are posing a considerable threat to native species but are relatively harmless to humans – save for the latter, which can inflict a nasty nippon the hand if disturbed.

Lastly, reports are coming in that an Alsatian guard dog has been stolen during a break-in at the 78rpm vintage record shop in Buxton. Local C.I.D have stated that the dog will only respond to his master’s voice.