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Hello Possums.

Many thanks to Mike A for his comment. It was an excellent review of the Justin Bieber concert; it was almost like being there myself, but of course I wouldn’t be; Bob Dylan is more my scene man. Mike also commented on the delays in starting times, you would think that with a Rolex on each wrist Justin would have no excuses. I am delighted that Mike emerged triumphant in the tussle for the wringing wet vest that Justin threw into the audience; I suppose it will shortly be appearing on EBay. Well done Mike.

The newly appointed Pope Francis has prioritized a visit to the Falklands on his agenda, As his safety is paramount he will be escorted by two battalions of ground troops, two fighter squadrons, four armoured divisions and two destroyers along with his personal retinue. The Argentinean flag will be hoisted over Port Stanley as a gesture of goodwill .Of course the subject of Argentina’s territorial claim over the “Malvinas” will not be open to discussion.

A former soldier was forced to spend the night in a police call box after assisting struggling motorists in the wintry conditions. Christopher Kingswood was himself stranded but adopted Bear Grylls type survival tactics to weather the storm. He did say however that the police box was surprisingly spacious inside and that he would have had a reasonable night’s sleep if it hadn’t been for those ruddy Daleks making a racket outside.

Twin sisters, Louise and Martine Fokkens, aged 70, believed to be Amsterdam’s oldest ladies of pleasure, are reluctantly retiring after 50 years in the oldest profession. They lay claim to having entertained at least 355,000 patrons between them, but arthritis and other age related problems are making certain aspects of their services impossible. They told us that when they first started aged twenty, they would pose in the windows in seductive attire, but the shameless hussies these days are stark naked. Martine said “We cant even raise a smile these days and business is very slack“. The twins are to feature in a ‘red light district’ documentary called ‘Meet the Fokkens’, after that they will enjoy a well earned retirement.

New York: A jack Russell terrier named Jack (funnily enough) was rushed to the vets in Manhattan after swallowing 116 pennies .where he was dosed with copious amounts of laxatives. The anxious owner who was pacing up and down outside the treatment room was told after half an hour that there was no change as yet.

An eight year old African boy has married a woman of sixty one after being guided by his ancestors. His superstitious parents feared bad luck if the omens were ignored. We asked the boy if he would be waiting for a few years before the marriage was consummated “Oh no“, he replied, “She’s quite old enough“.

If you never spared a thought for the religious significance of Easter as you scoff your chocolate egg, fear not, major supermarkets will be stocking “The Real Easter Egg”, which will bear a reference to Jesus on the packaging. The Meaningful Chocolate company are confident of sales in excess of 200.000 eggs, a sizable chunk of the 80 million or so Easter egg market. A crown of Thorntons and resurrection truffles are also in the pipeline.

Don’t get your hopes up just yet, but I have it from a reliable source that there is to be a sale at D.F.S furniture stores on Easter Monday, keep it under your hat.

Bye for now P.B.