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Thank you to Paul for retyping this week’s issue after it went astray in t’interweb – Blog Team

Hello possums,

Well it seems that due to an ‘echnical terror’ Weedkiller disappeared into the ether. Anyway the Weedkiller crew are back from the Amknackeredstan tripe hurling championships, but not without incident I might add. Our illustration executive, Peter T, was detained by the secret police for filming sensitive installations (i.e. pole dancers at Amknackerdstan’s Communist Working Man’s Club). Fortunately Weedkiller’s diplomatic representative secured his release with a bribe of 5,000 nectar points and a signed photo of Jedward.

Our very own shrinking violet, Colin S, has asked me to point out that, apart from his thespian prowess, he was an accomplished pantomime performer. “Oh! no he wasn’t.” “Oh! yes he was.” Colin played both the ugly sisters in Cinderella at the Hackney Empire; he was well lauded for his part as Jock in ‘Jock and the Beanstalk’ at the Glasgow Hippodrome; but alas came unstuck at the Wigan end-of-the-pier show, dressed as Captain Hook in Peter Pan he had a nasty accident whilst visiting the gents. That’s show business folks.

The very foundations of our constitution have been rocked by the announcement that Lord Prezza has resigned as privy adviser to her Majesty the Queen. Why on earth she needs advice of that nature remains a mystery. He is protesting about the audacity of the British press exposing infidelities and shortcomings among high ranking politicians.

Abu Qatada received a rapturous welcome on his much awaited return to his native Jordan, alas his unfortunate wife and family are still suffering hardships, living in a large house in an affluent area of London funded entirely by the tax payers.

Regardless of all your preparation and confidence for that all important job interview, your name could spell disaster. Apparently potential employers are more likely to hire people with traditional names like John and Susan. For information and advice on how to overcome this hurdle contact Weedkiller’s job seekers expert Chantelle Tiffany Chardonnay.

For Sale freehold – Important grade two listed Victorian outside lavatory with planning consent for small dwelling. No chain. Contact Bogshires Estate Agents.

Tennis nut, Will Hirons, has had a likeness of his hero Andy Murray tattooed on his bottom in celebration of his Wimbledon triumph. Will has vowed to have the names of the entire English World Cup squad tattooed on another part of his lower anatomy should they carry off the trophy; don’t hold your breath’.

‘Life means life’ jail sentences, without parole for barbaric murderers and the like, are inhuman according to our human rights buddies. So you may find yourself raising a glass or two with Ian Brady and co in your local pub in the near future. Cheers.

Prince Andrew’s tweeting efforts did not go down too well recently, however he did emphasize his commitment to get youngsters into jobs. However he was unable to elaborate as he had to pick up his daughters at The Rainbow members-only Club in Chelsea at 4.30 am.

Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the mastermind behind the 9/11 atrocities, who was ‘water boarded’ during interrogation and only cracked when played continuous recordings of Des O’Connor, was given the unusual concession of using his technical expertise, being allowed to develop a revolutionary vacuum cleaner, whilst in prison. His inspiration came from Freddie Mercury singing ‘I want to break free‘ whilst hoovering his living room. Unfortunately Khalid is in the hospital after suffering severe facial injuries when his cell mate tried out the high power hose on his beard.

Bye for now Paul B.