PARWICH.ORG

Hello possums.

Well, Parwich gourmets rejoice: going on sale soon is the world’s poshest fish pie, containing Scottish wild salmon poached in Moet Chandon, Loch Fyne oysters, lobster tails and Perigourdine truffles, topped off with a 24 carat gold crumb. A garnish of the finest beluga caviar, nestling on mother of pearl spoons, finishes off this superlative dish. You and your beloved can don your nose bags for the princely sum of £314.16, excluding chips and mushy peas of course.

An Australian rancher has appeared in court, accused of cruelty, after he rode into town on the back of an emu. In mitigation he said “Of course I wouldn’t normally roid an emu your worships, but ya see me joey was bloody well crook at the toime“.

Stringent reforms proposed by ‘The British Boxing Board Of Control’ have been strongly objected to, and have resulted in complaints to ‘The European Court Of Human Rights and Lefts’.

A true-to-life image of Jesus was spotted by two pub goers on an outside wall at The Mayho Chinese takeaway in Tyne & Wear. The image, formed from peeling paint and grime, has led to a flood of pilgrims. The phenomena has been branded as ‘an immaculate deception’ by sceptics, but local Catholic priest, Father P King, claims that the image is a divine wok of art.

A customer in the city of Lovejoy, Georgia, USA discovered a partly smoked marijuana joint in her cheeseburger just purchased from a fast food drive through. As a consequence, server, Susan Seiber, was dismissed after admitting smoking at work. The lady told the restaurant manager “Thank goodness I didn’t order the hash browns”.

Police in Bournemouth have recovered a stolen prosthetic arm from a second hand shop. Chief Inspector Leggit of Bournemouth C.I.D said that the shop had been under surveillance for some time as they suspected it was a front for arms dealing.

The Middleton Clan have become the new ambassadors for Range Rover, taking delivery of the latest models in royal blue, at a special rate of course.

The ‘Amazing Zippo‘, the world-famous human cannonball, is seeking a partner of similar caliber.

Police in Derby were called to a shoplifting incident at Ann Summers intimate accessories shop yesterday, the suspect was arrested and taken away in fluffy handcuffs.

Unfortunately the origami shop in Ashbourne has folded, due to poor sales.

Bye for now, Paul B.