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Hello Possums.

As the controversial argument in favour of an independent Scotland gains momentum, ya see that, canny wee Gordon Broon is attempting to allay fears that north of the border retirees would not be eligible for a British state pension, by guaranteeing that there will be sufficient funds available, with his proposed sell off of Scotland’s Gold reserves.

Opportunist thieves have stolen £40.000 worth of Lego during the night, from a broken down lorry in Elland, West Yorkshire. A Police spokesman told us that, once apprehended and convicted, the culprits could expect a lengthy stretch in Bricks-ton nick.

Religious pilgrims are flocking to the “Yum Yum Fried Chicken Shack” in Kingston, Jamaica, after an astonished chef discover an incredible likeness of the Virgin Mary, that had formed in the cooling dripping of a deep fat fryer. On viewing the image, the local priest said “Well bless my soul, de Lard moves in mysterious ways”.

An exciting new night club in Derby will shortly be swinging open it’s doors for the local transvestite community. Promising Michelin-star dining, fine wines and state of the art entertainment systems. The in place to be seen and party until the wee hours; somewhere you can eat drink and be Mary.

The Earl and Countess of Wessex, and their two children, arrived at the skiing destination of St Moritz in Switzerland, the only occupants of a private jet, apart from two minders and the crew. The Earl told Weedkiller’s Royal Correspondent that he was ever mindful of exercising a degree of thrift in view of Mummy’s crumbling palaces.After donning his ‘keeper of the royal cod pieces’ uniform complete with an array of medals and insignia, he and his party were whisked off to their caravan by a fleet of Range Rovers for a well earned rest.

The Princess Royal has donned her Hunter wellies and waded into the housing shortage debate, by suggesting that villages must bear the brunt of 240,000 badly needed homes, to save the countryside from urban sprawl. Strange, because I thought that villages were normally located in rural locations. However the first phase of construction for 5.000 homes will shortly begin in the grounds of Gatcombe Park. Jolly good show.

A new slim and trim Fergie has emerged two stones lighter, after enduring a grueling three month boot camp ordeal. The regime had certainly taken it’s toll, as she appeared tired and drawn after dining at a restaurant in Manhattan. The Duchess is quoted as saying “I may have lost 30lbs, but I want to help combat global obesity”. We thought that discussing the rich diet of the Ethiopians may give her an insight to the problem.

Bye for now Paul B.