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Hello Possums,

Coronation Street fans will be able to tie the knot at the famous ‘Rovers Return‘ as the soon to be refurbished set is licensed to conduct wedding ceremonies. Guests will be treated to a drop or two of Neutron & Wigleys ale, a generous helping of Bet’s famous ‘Ot Pot‘ and the happy couple will receive a trio of Hilda Ogden limited edition flying wall ducks. Good Eh?

Weedkiller’s Sports Correspondent has finally made contact from Brazil where he is covering the World Cup. He told us that the atmosphere was incredible, and he was overwhelmed by the attention from certain ladies frequenting the bars, apparently they found him irresistible and constantly pestered him for sex. Obviously a man of his calibre and professionalism would not be diverted from the task in hand, and we are sure when his report arrives it will be well worth the wait. He did say however that for some reason his generous expenses allowance was proving inadequate, please send extra asap.

A Florida woman has landed herself in hot water after store detectives spotted her concealing several lobster tails in her knickers. The woman in question has a record including domestic violence, disorderly conduct and gbh. The court heard that the woman had also shoplifted two large watermelons that were only discovered later during a routine strip search.

Two pairs of trousers, discovered in China’s far western Xinjiang region, are estimated to be around 3,300 years old and predate similar items by 500 years. Most likely worn by a nomadic herdsman, the trousers only consisted of leg coverings, to which after centuries of evolution a crotch was added linking the garment together, giving birth to the bloomers of today, but of course along comes Ann Summers, who turned the clock right back again.

A man, dressed in a mini skirt, crotchless knickers and wearing a blonde wig, broke into a sex shop in Brisbane by forcing entry through the roof and dropping into the shop below. The manageress, alerted by the alarm, confronted the man who pelted her with sex toys in an effort to escape. The man was eventually arrested by police who escorted him away clapped in a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

A recent report states that problem parents with up to 15 children should be encouraged to use contraception. Surely it should have been their parents who were encouraged to use contraception.

Durham Police have revealed their latest crime prevention initiative in the form of garden gnomes each representing a different offence. So far a variety of ten gnomes have been commissioned, including drink driving, theft from vehicles etc. If a patrolling officer spots a car window open he will place the appropriate gnome in the vehicle, take a photo and upload it on Facebook. However the gnome representing the crime of indecent exposure is still in the early design stages.

Bye for now, Paul B.