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(SECOND ONLY TO WIMBLEDON) – SATURDAY

The day dawned – surprisingly brightly given the recent dampness.

This was the penultimate event of the Tennis Club’s year, the climax of their competitive year, the pinnacle of competitive ambition, the epitome of competitive standards. At stake was the honour of having your name in gold leaf on the pavilion honours board for eternity.

This is a day for finely tuned athletes, the light of foot, the stern of heart, those who care and the masochists who routinely subject themselves to ritual humiliation on an annual basis.  This is not a day for the lily-livered, for those who play for enjoyment or those with the good sense to recognise their limitations. Today we were gladiators!

There were two competitions – ‘one for the ladies’ and ‘one for the gentlemen’.

LADIES
Scheduled to be on court at the ungodly hour of 9.30am on a Saturday morning, Val and Glynis turned up. Jenny wasn’t late (believing the competition actually started at 9.00am). The tennis was. The result was predictable. Nia will play Di Bunting in the final tomorrow. Oon will play Catherine Bunting in the plate. Dora was also there.

GENTLEMEN
Having had the good fortune of a morning in bed, a small but oddly incestuous bunch of 7 honed specimens turned up at a leisurely pace for the 1.30pm start. With testosterone levels and competitive juices running considerable higher than in the morning, 3 Drummonds, 2 Smiths and 2 Beesleys were cunningly divided into two uneven groups from which it swiftly emerged that the key matches would be the intra-familial Drummond P versus Drummond A and the inter-familial Drummond R versus Smith D.

Much sweating, serving, swearing, scurrying, spinning, sliding, slicing and scoring later the semi-finalists emerged: Having beaten Drummond P, Drummond A would play Drummond R and having lost to Drummond A, Drummond P would play Smith D (are you following this?). Thus proving that the format (designed by Drummond P) gave the old dog as many chances as possible to play against younger players should he have happened at any point to have lost against one of them. By utilising his second chance to the full, Drummond P defeated Smith D thus setting up a final against Drummond R, the only one of the young dogs he hadn’t yet played against.  Smith A will play Beesley C in the plate.

PARWICH TENNIS CLUB ANNUAL SINGLES CHAMPIONSHIPS WEEKEND
(SECOND ONLY TO WIMBLEDON) – SUNDAY

The day dawned – less brightly.

Nia beat Di B in the Ladies final. Oon beat Catherine in the plate.
After 3 sets of excellent tennis played with their usual class, acumen, panache and grace, Alan defeated Colin in a closely fought plate.
In the men’s final, having just completed the Ashbourne half-marathon, Robert defeated his father in three sets.

Just in case there is any lack of understanding in this matter, I’ll just clarify that Paul did in fact lose tennis matches to both of his teenage sons this weekend. This just goes to show that if you encourage your kids to play sport, they pay you back by eventually beating you and making you look silly. Let there be a lesson to all parents in this – buy them TVs or a Nintendo and then none of this will happen.

Finally, it’s the mixed doubles next weekend followed by a club BBQ with beers. Virtually any-one who can hold a racquet who has a partner can play, please contact Val on 727 if you would like to play – we can even find you a partner!! It WILL be sunny next weekend, so give it a go!!

Thank you to Val S for sending in this very eloquent report.