Well here we are back in the depths of winter and another budget under our belts; 1p off a pint of beer effectively means, if you sup 340 pints, you will get one free. Motor tires have risen in line with inflation, for anybody lucky enough to still be able afford to run a car, the proposed increase in fuel duty is temporarily postponed. You’ve never had it so good!
At a loose end? Pop along to ‘Honest Patti’s Furniture Showrooms’: genuine reductions, buy now, pay nothing for five years, then ten years interest free credit. Sale must end Easter Monday; doors open 6.00am every day. Christmas delivery guaranteed. We won’t be beaten on price.
Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall have been enjoying the hospitality of the crown prince of Saudi Arabia for three days; Bedouin and breakfast. The Prince attended high level discussions before a lavish banquet in his honour. A fabulous spread included exotic sweetmeats, fruits, whole roasted sheep, lambs and a baby camel served on a fragrant bed of saffron rice was laid out before the dignitaries. Alas when the Prince was served the utmost of delicacies, in a scene reminiscent of ‘Carry on up the Khyber’, two glistening juicy camels eyes. Enough was enough. Leaping from his chair Charles shouted “I’m a celebrity get me out of here”.
A book offering advice on how to protect chicken coups from goblins has won the ‘Oddest book title’ of the year award; a close second was ‘How tea cosies changed the world’. Also short listed were ‘Was Hitler mad?’, ‘North American pigeon lofts’ and ‘A guide to sharpening pencils’. ‘A short history of Ukrainian tractors’ and ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society’ also got a mention; last year’s winner was ‘Cooking with Poo’, a Thai cookbook by Bangkok resident Saiyuud Diwong, whose nickname is Poo, but the one book that judges found extremely difficult to put down was ‘How to make superglue at home’.
A fine dining restaurant in a Cardiff prison, that teaches inmates, including murderers and rapists, how to cook and silver serve gourmet standard dishes, is now up and running. ‘The Clink’, as it is known, has cost an estimated £380,000 since opening, but strangely enough no customers have complained. A three course meal will set you back £18.75, of course there is no alcohol served as the bars are closed. Our waiter, an affable chap who introduced himself as Harry (The Hit man) Higgins, told us he was in prison for something he didn’t do. We asked him what it was, and he said “I did two blokes in with a machete, and I didn’t wipe my dabs of the handle”.
A pair of shy and retiring pandas, at the breeding and research centre in Szechuan province of China, have finally overcome their inhibitions thanks to an innovative approach by their keeper. Five year old Ke Lin and her suitor mated successfully within the three-day ovulation period, after viewing a video of mating pandas which luckily spurred them into action. Their keeper told us that initially they were very slow to respond to the stimulation and we did have to paws the video on occasion but once they had got the message we actually had to fast forward it.
Strange but true: A hotel in Dean St, Soho, is set to launch the first edible hotel made entirely from cake: 2,000 macaroons, 1,080 meringues, 44lb of marshmallow garlands; bath tubs will be filled with caramel popcorn; rooms will feature edible books and magazines; pillows will be made of vanilla sponge. Of course all rooms will be en-sweet. Bizarre as it may seem the proprietors are confident of hundreds and thousands of guests.
Always chose your words carefully just in case you have to eat them one day, (Old Chinese Proverb).
Stay warm .P.B.