PARWICH.ORG

Hello Possums,

Weedkiller’s Weekly Modern Art Critic has it on good authority that a once in a lifetime investment opportunity in the form of Tracy Emins iconic “My Bed” is coming up for grabs. The work is actually her unmade bed, complete with stained sheets, discarded contraceptives, underwear, empty vodka bottles and pregnancy testing kit. Interested? It could be yours for a mere £1.250,000. Not too sure? Maybe you would like to sleep on it.

An NHS worker was about to enjoy a bowl of M&S super bean and lentil soup, when to his horror he discovered a blue plastic catering hygiene glove on opening the carton. An M&S spokesman told investigators that they were at a complete loss as to how the glove got to be there, but suggested that a disgruntled employee may have had a hand in it.

The corpse of an eighty year old Pueto Rican woman was posed in her favourite rocking chair, dressed in the wedding dress she wore at her second wedding, then surrounded by flowers. The Marin funeral home is renowned for some of its bizarre wakes. They are also famous for their superior embalming techniques to such an extent that a member of staff coming on duty asked her if she would like a cup of coffee.

The wife of U.K.I.P leader, Nigel Farage, has voiced her concerns about her husband’s pub loving lifestyle, saying that he smokes and drinks far too much during his crusading. Not the sort of chappy one could rely on to lead jolly old Blighty through the dark days, what, what? Somebody mention Winston Churchill?

Czech police are struggling to identify a man who charged out of a forest on all fours wearing only his socks. A driver, who was forced to brake sharply, said that the man was growling and barking and attempting to bite his tyres, then lifting his leg he urinated on one of the wheels. The man, who is awaiting psychiatric assessment, was not wearing a collar and is not micro chipped. Up to now the police have no leads.

North Korean scientists have developed a revitalizing sports drink for athletes made from the essence of wild mushrooms. Although not fully tried and tested, the wonder drink, if not taken in moderation, can result in a severe case of the shi-itakis.

A protest with a difference took place last Saturday, comprising of around 200 naked cyclists riding through Canterbury, their aim was to highlight the dangers facing cyclists on Britain’s increasingly busy roads. Police were however monitoring the situation very closely, as last year’s demo saw some of the more nubile female cyclists raising more than awareness among their male counterparts. Weedkiller’s Raving Reporter, Radley Biggins, watched the procession go by. He said that he had never seen so many cyclists out of gear before, with some very interesting sights, including one or two vintage choppers.

Finally the long awaited findings of the Chilcott inquiry regarding the validity of the evidence for the invasion of Iraq and the removal of the dictatorship are about to be made public. Weedkiller’s Political Editor has been made privy to the first transcript, which begins “Once upon a time ……..“

Bye for now, Paul B.