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Hello Possums,

Good news, the Parwich blog Nature Watch presenters, in conjunction with Weedkiller Weekly’s Hornythilogical team, will be publishing a lavishly illustrated calendar for 2015, entitled “Birds getting out of the bath“. Photo shoots will be held at the Legion, on a date to be confirmed. Interested?

There is still no sign of the large bouncy castle that disappeared from The Bentley Brook Hotel, prior to a family bank holiday fun day. The organizer and proprietor, Joe, told Weedkiller’s Raving Reporter that, not only did it prove a great disappointment for the children, the helium used to inflate it was extremely expensive.

Weedkiller’s’ film pick of the month: “The Blair Rich Project“.

Healthy food recommendation: Greek alphabettti spaghetti, rich in Omegas.

Bingo fanatic Louis Bunn, who suffers from Tourettes’s syndrome, has been banned for life from his favourite ‘Leo Leisure Center’ bingo hall, after complaints from other players about his involuntary outbursts. Weedkiller’s Raving Reporter had a chat with Cynthia Wilton, who told him that she was only one number away from winning an all expenses paid weekend break at The Bella Donna ‘guest house‘ in Clacton on Sea, when Louis loudly yelled out “BUM”, which totally disrupted proceedings. As the game progressed the caller announced “Two Fat Ladies, eightyeight“, which prompted Louis to shout “KNICKERS” as loud as he could. Louis was quickly ushered out of a side door to avoid the wrath of the other players. A club representative said that Louis has a very unfortunate affliction, but these disruptions could not be tolerated, and as a consequence his number was up.

Archaeologists, working at Hadrian’s Wall, have unearthed a perfectly preserved wooden toilet seat, estimated at 2,000 years old, and most likely for the personal use of the then commander Augustus Flatulentus Maximus. Although many stone and marble examples have survived this is thought to be unique, and can be dated to a certain period of the occupation, as earlier examples didn’t have a hole in them.

The chief executive of the Scottish Prison Service is quoted as saying that people serving porridge in tough prisons, such as the notorious Barlinnie, should not be labelled as criminals or convicts, as this stigmatizes them in future life and hampers their reintegration into society: a typical case of an eighty year old tearaway, who ruthlessly head butted the knuckles of a defenseless mugger, forcing her handbag upon him, before he fled for his life; or of the two men who took sawn-off shotguns into a Bank to protect themselves from violent staff whilst they made a withdrawal. Funny old world isn’t it?

Lo and behold, Greg Wallace, the ‘sotto voce’ of Masterchef, is to join the line up of ‘Strictly Come Dancing‘. let’s hope, for his sake, he lasts longer than his restaurants did.

Is nothing sacred? Shock and horror, as a suspected case of sabotage on ‘The Great British Bake Off’ led to the hairy baker binning his ruined baked Alaska, before storming off set, which resulted in his elimination. All this whilst a ‘butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth‘ Diana Beard looked on. What next?

Nostalgia is not what it used to be.

Bye for now, Paul B.