The Parwich Memorial Hall funding group are currently preparing a grant application which, if successful, will make our new Hall entirely self-sufficient for all its energy needs – as well as generating extra electricity for the village.
Due to our location at the end of a valley, residents will be aware of how windy it can get – particularly on the top of Parwich Hill. Therefore, the plan is to capture this wind energy by installing a wind turbine on top of the hill.
Thanks to the latest technological advances, modern wind turbines are much less visually intrusive than they used to be – as you can see from our artist’s impression.
(Please click to enlarge)
One potential problem, which those living near wind farms have often complained about, is the noise that these turbines produce. To overcome this issue, the funding group have been researching some exciting new developments, which are just coming onto the market. Our pioneering new system will therefore use specially designed rotor blades, capable of converting the wind noise into bird song.
By carefully controlling the shape and angle of the blades, it is now possible to select from a range of different bird songs. These will not only enhance the quality of village life, but they will also encourage more birds to nest around Parwich Hill.
In keeping with the traditions of PARWICH.ORG, we have prepared the following survey to help us decide on which model of bird song turbine to purchase. Please select one option only.
We are also looking for ideas to use the surplus energy produced by the turbine. For instance, one idea might be to use it for powering the beer pumps at the Sycamore. If anyone has other suggestions for using up excessive amounts of hot air, do please let us know.
PARWICH.ORG 
What an awesome development. What about allowing voting for the ethereal sound of the Parwich lesser spotted fowle?
This will undoubtedly be an excellent complement to the internet based ring tones for the Parwich church bells for which the Diocese of Derby was ready to grant permission before the heavy hand of the copyright piracy laws intervened. I think we should do something similar at the top of the tower of St Mary’s church in Nottingham, although in that location the amplified sound of pigeons might be a more authentic accompaniment tio the gentle whirring of rotor blades (although with an expected cost of gas and electricity for St Mary’s of £18,000 this year, perhaps I should jest not …)
YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF TOMATO SOUP,
APRIL FOOL, APRIL FOOL.
THERE’S A GREAT BIG GORILLA IN THE CHICKEN COOP,
APRIL APRIL FOOL.
LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, WHAT D’ YA SEE?
PEACHES ON THE CHERRY TREE.
I FOOL YOU, YOU FOOL ME,
THIS IS APRIL FOOL’S DAY!
THE CAT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CUSTARD PIE,
APRIL FOOL, APRIL FOOL.
THERE’S A DOG IN THE KITCHEN AND HE’S TEN FEET HIGH,
APRIL, A PRIL FOOL!
THE PIG IN THE PARLOR HAS A BIG CIGAR,
APRIL FOOL, APRIL FOOL.
THERE’S A TWO HEADED ELEPHANT IN DADDY’S CAR,
APRIL, APRIL FOOL!
THE COW IN THE CLOVER GAVE THE HORSE A KISS,
APRIL FOOL, APRIL FOOL.
YOU CAN’T EVER SING A SILLY SONG LIKE THIS,
‘CEPT ON APRIL FOOL’S DAY!
APRIL APRIL FOOL!
OH AND PARWICH IS TO HAVE A WIND TURBINE
APRIL FOOL APRIL FOOL
Could it power a ski-lift up the sledging hill for snowy days?
We may be able to allow this if the blades are painted in one of Farrow and Ball’s soperific sludge range and the tower is made from local stone.
Phew – that’s a relief…… the one I put in our back garden which I was gonna apply for retrospective permission for is, thankfully, soperific sludge pink, and clad in locally mixed concrete (only a few of the bits are in white uPVC, and you really can’t see them from the road behind the motorised satellite dish).
Having studied these plans in more detail, we are concerned about the shadow that the proposed construction will cast across the village.
According to our projections, the shadow will only stretch halfway across the churchyard, leaving the southern half of Parwich in uninterrupted sunlight.
This arrangement lacks balance, and is therefore aesthetically unacceptable within a conservation area.
It also contravenes several clauses in our equal opportunities policy, as it discriminates against southern Parwich’s equal right to enjoy the shade provided by the turbine in question.
However, we would be prepared to give favourable consideration to a revised set of plans, in which the height of the turbine was doubled.
Let it never be said that we planning officers lack flexibility.
Thank you Jonathan,
Increasing the size of the turbine would give us many more options for the range of sound effects that we could choose from.
I have checked with the manufacturer and by doubling the height we could have the Jet Engine Option which would drown out the sound of aircraft on their approach to Manchester Airport. Alternatively we could go for the Power Tool Option……
how about the surplus electricity being used to heat up the dam/pond so that we could use it as an all year round swimming pool….
Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. As always when considering these applications, our overriding priority has to be the welfare of the bat community.
Although we were initially concerned that the turbine would cause an unacceptable disturbance to Parwich’s bats, I am grateful to Jonathan and his department for proposing a workable solution.
Thanks to Jonathan’s efforts, we shall shortly be serving a compulsory purchase order on Parwich Primary School, which we shall be converting into a sanctuary for distressed bats at the earliest opportunity.
In order to fund the building conversion project, we shall be calling upon Parwich residents to provide the necessary financial support, by means of a mandatory monthly supplement to their Council Tax bills. This so-called “bat tax” (or “Chiroptera Community Charge”, as we prefer to call it) has been estimated at a modest £104 per household. I am sure that we can all agree that this is a worthwhile sum to pay.
Let it never be said that we conservation officers lack compassion.
Crumbs Wendy, that sounds good value for money! – should we not be considering further compulsary PO’s…….. perhaps introducing community supplements for distressed moggies (cat-tax), People of a portly disposition (fat-tax) or even verminous amputees (rat-tap-tap-tap-tax)?
As a change from pilates, perhaps we could also use it for pole dancing. I understand that is a very good form of exercise and could compliment the grant application, by being in touch with the current DDDC support of healthy lifestyles.
americandeb – great fundraising idea – you could certainly sell tickets to that (in the unlikely event I could square it at home)……
I am sorry to pick hairs with the planning office, but unless there is some sort of cosmic rearrangement, there is no way the wind turbine on the hill could cast a shadow on Parwich (which was roughly to the south when I last looked)
Just thought the little red light on the top
would be very useful to late and inebriated
home comers
Every fool has a silver lining…
…mixed metaphor aside, I think the turbine’s an “object of grace and desire”, in scale with it’s surroundings and the village’s needs.
Go for it – and join SY’s campaign to change the current policy that allows for ‘small’ CRE into a policy that allows for ‘appropriate’ CRE…
CRE = community renewable energy
Best wishes to all and the village hall.