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Hello Playmates,

Firstly, many congratulations to our very own Christine G, whose Weedkiller Extra #18 comment was picked by our panel of judges from the hundreds of entries as being the most original and wittiest. Of course, Christine is no stranger to the world of merry mirth, cutting her comedy milk teeth at the annual Ffestiniog Festival Fun Week talent competition with her hilarious rendition of Dylan Thomas’ ‘Under Milk Wood‘. Her next big break came at ‘The Rubstick and Gastric Glassblowers and Pipe Blenders‘ Social Club in the Yorkshire Dales. Christine’s professionalism shone through as the preceding turn, a Charlie Williams tribute artiste, went down under a salvo of pork pies. Her act did however encroach on ten minutes of bingo time, but her winning smile and affinity with the audience saw her through, what could have been a potentially nasty incident, to win first place. Well done lass.

Cosmetic surgeons all over the U.S.A are mourning the passing of the comedienne and chat show host Joan Rivers, one of the greatest acerbic and self deprecating entertainers ever to tread the boards, who has died in New York at the age of ‘fifty seven‘.

Tony Blair, after recently being announced as philanthropist of the decade, has pledged to give away his millions as a gesture of contrition. Cherie is said to be ecstatic, and can’t wait to get her hands on his money.

Police are anxious to trace a man who stripped naked and ran through a packed train carriage travelling between York and Middlesex. British transport police have issued C.C.C. TV images of the man in the hope that someone might recognize it.

A recent survey has revealed that a trip down memory lane can generate more happiness than chocolate or sex, but can anyone remember the last time they had chocolate?

A teenager, addicted to ready salted crisps, was diagnosed with selective eating disorder. After munching his way through approximately 3,650 bags, he has finally been cured by clinical hypnotism. James, from Bury in Greater Manchester, is now enjoying a normal diet of smokey bacon for breakfast, cheese and onion sandwiches for lunch and prawn cocktail followed by fish and chips with salt and vinegar for dinner.

Would you Adam and Eve it, a couple from Herne bay in Kent are desperate to find their missing African Grey parrot, which recently disappeared from their home. Monty’s party piece is whistling the theme tune from ‘Eastenders‘. David Hampton, the bird’s owner, fears that Monty may have been half inched by a tea leaf, whilst he and his wife were up the apples and pears having a little Bo Peep. Unfortunately they cannot offer a reward as they are both boracic lint. The Old Bill are anxious to trace a rather suspicious looking man with a brown syrup and a pinstripe whistle and flute, who was spotted acting suspiciously around the time the bird went missing.

Sacre Bleu, recent research claims that our great and noble institution the British pub may in fact be a French invention. The Normans are believed to have set up the first public houses, shortly after the invasion of 1066, to serve French wine merchants with a drop of the old Entente Cordiale. What did the French ever do for us you might think? Escargot in the basket, beer battered frogs legs, pickled oeufs, Norman Wisdom, crème Englaise, etc. Vintners, who offered accommodation, were known as ‘French Letters‘, and customers, who had over indulged, were taken home à la carte. For more information read ‘The Medieval Roots Of The Great British Pub‘ by Ted Bruning.

Au Revoir for now, Paul B