Sent in as a comment from Saskia, but too good not to have it as a post.
So, let me get this straight:
Collections will be as follows:
Week 1:
Monday: Green – all kitchen waste, including egg shells (see also Sunday’s collection), but no chicken bones or olive stones; garden waste: only clippings from the following: Celastraceae, Malvaceae and Rosaceae (see also Thursday’s collection); Black: plastics, but only rigid (see below for rigidity testing *), small broken household items with dimensions not exceeding 37 x 45 x 12 cm, ink cartridges, but not HP colour.
Tuesday: Blue – plastics, only non-rigid * (see below); glass, but no broken beer or white/red wine glasses (see additional late-Friday night collection); paper, including newspapers but not the Sunday Mirror.
Wednesday: I can’t quite remember: is it babies and toddlers? But which bin was it? I’m not sure whether I could have misunderstood the instructions though.
Thursday: Green – all green waste but NOT from Celastraceae, Malvaceae and Rosaceae. Also: kitchen waste, but only chicken bones and olive stones (see also Monday’s collection).
Friday: Blue: all recyclables, but no plastics (see Monday and Tuesday). No cricket bats.
Friday-extra: there will be a new extra late-night collection (approx. 23:45) of broken beer and wine glasses, but no champagne flutes.
Saturday: no collection, phew …
Sunday morning: this is a new collection: half-eaten croissants, wastage from fried and boiled eggs, grapefruit and toast, only soggy. The Sunday Mirror (read-only).
Week 2:
Monday’s collection will be on Tuesday. Tuesday moves to Thursday. No collection on Friday which moves to Saturday. Wednesday is collected on Monday. Sunday collection: as above but also (fortnightly only): any old copies of the News of the World.
* Rigidity test (for plastics): position plastic item on floor, stamp well on it. If toe breaks it is/was ‘rigid’, otherwise ‘non-rigid’.
See link to the official post on Waste Collection from August by Derbyshire Dales District Council.
PARWICH.ORG 
So funny! I needed a laugh after opening my council tax bill!!!
That looks all correct except that babies isn’t Wednesday – you just throw them out with the bath water.
Hilarious! Made me laugh out loud. Or is that lol?! Sue H
What a gem.Can’t stop laughing!
I have been officially signed off by a very nice man in a white coat – CBWD (Chronic Bin Worry Disorder) – which is just as well as I can’t think how I could contemplate a full time job alongside my vital environmental duties. And I was only just thinking it’s only 12 years since the last acute anxiety attack caused by the infamous and devastating millenium bug!
That sounds very worrying, Graham. However, you may feel slightly reassured to know that the District Council is aware of the potential for a rampant spread of CBWD once the new waste & recycling arrangements have been introduced. I understand that DDDC are in discussion with Lifelong Learning staff who have been tasked to arrange a W&R course (6 x 2 hrs) for a practical, hands-on (bins and caddies) course where the ergonomics of in-out, in-out, turn-your-bin-around movements will be explained, when you will be tested for colour blindness (blue, green and black in particular) etc. The council is also keen to point out that you have until August to practise the new W&R timetable. And, hot of the press, the council is apparently considering handing out speaking alarm clocks that can be programmed to tell you what day it is and which bins to put out when you wake up.
(PS: this is my very last verbal dribble…promise)
No, please don’t stop – it’s the funniest thing I’ve read for ages!!
Anyway Graham – just think how much money you’ll save by not having to go to circuit training. You’ll be as fit as a fiddle after doing the wheelie bin waltz several times a week.
Phew – that’s a relief then……thank goodness for the council!
– Where would we be without their help?
(actually, CBWD and millenium bug apart, sincere gratitude to all the hard working and selfless people who give up their time on various councils for little reward – most of us do appreciate it’s a difficult job, done under circumstances where you can never please all the people all of the time).
OK, Cheryl, one very, very last comment, especially for you.
Firstly, thank you so much for reminding us about the babies and the bathwater. It is good to know that we can continue with that well-established practice.
However, I’m still not sure about the toddlers (see Wednesday’s collection). Why can’t they also go out with the bathwater? Or are they simply too big and may possibly block the drains?
It must be Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!
To see Jill L’s comment (a photo) go to https://parwich.org/2012/03/15/it-must-be-wednesday%E2%80%8F/